Good thing I like salad!

This losing weight thing is HARD!!!  Before deciding to actually do something about my weight and modify my diet, I was already not eating wheat due to it giving me stuffed up sinuses.  So, I decided to go back to how my grandparents ate -- food fresh off the farm: lots of lean meats and green veggies.  I completely cut out rice, corn, beans, potatoes, anything starchy and loaded with carbs.  I also cut out my lunchtime Pepsi Throwback.  It's been three weeks of chicken, fish, broccoli, spinach, almonds, mozzarella cheese, eggs, and a bit of old fashioned oatmeal with a handful of dried cranberries for breakfast.  I've lost FIVE pounds.  I was hoping for more, but I'll take being five pounds lighter.  If I can keep this up, five pounds every three weeks, I'll have lost FORTY pounds by my birthday in August.  WOW!  FORTY POUNDS!!!  Now THAT's exciting!

Me... A Mom???

No, I'm not pregnant... yet.  I just got out of the OBGYN's office.  I had yet another clear pap last month.  This makes TWO WHOLE YEARS of NORMAL pap tests!  HAPPY DANCE TIME!!!  I now save those happy little cards from the doc's office telling me I'm normal.  Doesn't seem like all that long ago (2010) that I never thought I'd be normal again.

Ok, back to the "Mom" and pregnant part of the post...  during last months visit, Doc brought up that my eggs are getting old.  I like that he differentiated between the age of my eggs and my own age.  I'm not old, just my eggs.  :)  Anyhow, if I ever want to be a mom, he said I'd best get started quick.  I will be 40 in August, which means my eggs are 40 now.  And 40 year old eggs need all the help they can get to turn into babies.  So, I've been thinking... and thinking... and thinking... and doing a bit of research.  Twelve years ago I was told by a different OBGYN that the odds of me ever having a child without IVF were slim to none.  After that, I just put the thought of having children out of my mind.  When I told the current doc this, he decided to run a few tests to see.  Last month it was bloodwork - my hormones are slightly outside of normal boundaries.  We need to fix that no matter what I decide about having a child.  Today it was an ultrasound of all of my lady parts.  Conclusion:  "Your ultrasound was completely unremarkable."  Ah, did he just say I'm normal?  Yup, he did.  Other than my off kilter hormones (which we're fixing), there is no reason whatsoever for not being able to get myself pregnant the old fashioned way.  WOW.  After 12 years of thinking I would never have children, that information is mind-blowing!

I talked to my mom about this last night.  My sister and I are both miracle babies.  Mom had a very difficult time both getting and staying pregnant with both of us.  Carrying each of us to full term was very challenging and involved months of bedrest.  She was 19 when she had me and 22 when she had my sister.  I was curious to hear her opinion of me choosing this option at 40.  It wouldn't have surprised me at all if her response had been that it was just too risky and that she didn't want to risk the health of her own baby in order to have a grand-baby.  In fact, that's the response I expected.  She was surprisingly neutral and able to discuss both the pros and cons of having a baby at 40.  And despite the slight excitement I could hear in her voice at becoming a grandparent, she did not push me toward a decision either way and was very firm in her response that she would be supportive no matter what decision I make.  I've got a pretty awesome mom!

Back to the Doc and me getting one of my eggs fertilized... those of you who know me know that there is one slight obstacle for me to get pregnant the old fashioned way... I'm single.  But, we live in an age of sperm banks and fertility clinics which make this a non-issue.  Doc said that he didn't see a need for IVF, that I should be able to conceive no problem with IUI (a bit more refined version of the turkey baster method done at a fertility clinic).  Hmmmmmmm.....  So I asked Doc what I would need to do if I wanted to conceive maybe this Fall.  His reply, "Lose weight."

Now THAT's an OBSTACLE.  Losing weight is HARD!  The scale of difficulty with that task is right up there with climbing Mount Everest.  But, if I have to climb Mount Everest to have a baby... well, I'll just put one foot in front of the other until I get there.

Update

Haven't had much time to be online what with Christmas almost here and running around like a maniac trying to catch up on all of the things I got behind on during my inconveniently timed convalescence. Anyhow, my 10 day check up with the surgeon was today. My incisions are healing nicely and he took 19 of my 20 staples out - one of the incisions isn't healing as well as the others, so he wanted to leave one staple in to make sure it doesn't split open. I'm allowed to return to work full-time tomorrow. Lordy that's gonna kick my butt!

Potluck at work was today, so my baking for that was completed yesterday. I have one more trip to the store this evening & then all Christmas shopping will be done. And Wednesday night I will be slaving away in the kitchen baking gluten-free oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies for my sister to take with her to Mom's for Christmas (I'm not going due to work/health reasons). And then it will be one more day of work to get through on Thursday before I can come home and spend the next three days in my PJ's. 

Wishing you all a wonderfully happy and relaxing holiday!

Slowly going insane...

Ah, so I've made it through two half days of work... barely. Didn't realize how much one uses their stomach and back muscles just sitting at a desk doing paperwork. By the end of my four hours, I can't wait to get home and reunite with my pain pills. Pain pills are my best friends right now. :)

But that's not what's driving me nuts. It's the bandages. I've got four small incisions with stitches that have been bandaged and sealed with waterproof tape... AND THEY'RE ITCHING!!! It's driving me crazy. Being unable to scratch an itch is torture!

Here we go again...

So much for me being all better. Just got home from a 36 hour stay at the hospital that began with a 6am trip to the ER on Friday morning and the ER doc telling me I needed to have my gallbladder removed... as in NOW. The specialist surgeon who does this procedure all the time informed me that, of the over 7,000 gallbladders he has seen, mine was the worst ever and he has no clue how I've been living with it. Evidently it should have been removed a couple of years ago. So, here I am at home again with four small holes in my abdomen and minus one gallbladder. I'm in normal pain from the surgery, but feel so much better than I did when my gallbladder was still in tact. I'm really happy this one got figured out and am hoping it's my last disaster for at least the remainder of this year!

**Oh, and yet again I was incredibly impressed with my local ER and hospital. So lucky to have such good medical care within a 10 minute drive of my house. :)

So, my ER is pretty awesome. How's yours?

Took myself to the ER on Friday. Only the third time in my life I've voluntarily headed to the Emergency Room. Most definitely shouldn't have been driving, but I did it anyhow. By the time I got there I couldn't even fill out my own admission forms. Just handed them my insurance card & license, showed them my allergies I've got typed into my cell phone (that came in handy!), and pointed to the pain locations as I was dry heaving (after puking for over 12 hours there just wasn't anything left). I was in shock and so cold they couldn't get a temperature. Took less than 10 minutes to admit me and get me a shot of something for the pain. Unfortunately it didn't work. So another half hour later they gave me something else that, THANK GOD, did work. An hour after that I actually had a normal temperature. After eight hours in the ER, blood work, x-rays, MRI, anti-nausea shots, lots of pain relieving shots, nexium shots (didn't know that came in shot form), and scaring my sis half to death with a text that said: "I'm ok. Could you pick me up from the ER on your way home from work?" ... the verdict is that I have bleeding stomach ulcers. Huh, who'd have thunk those things would hurt that much?!?!? Most pain I've ever been in!!! 

Anyhow, I'm fine now. Got my pain pills, anti-nausea pills, and protonix for the stomach. Managed to eat some toast and lime jello today. Still have my wristband on in case I have to go back, they can just scan my bar code. I find it rather humorous that I have my own bar code. ;) Appointment with the Doc Monday to see what else they're going to do with me. So, for those of you who told me I couldn't just be that tired from simply being sick (in my toughest critic blog), you were right and I was wrong. Sucks to be wrong.

But, if you're ever in my neck of the woods and need to head to the Emergency Room, I can tell you from personal experience that they're downright awesome. Best care I've ever gotten. Seriously great nurses and doctors. And they come with a sense of humor too. Couldn't ask for more! :)

Lab results are in.

Well, they're not what I'd hoped for. I still have abnormal cells on my cervix. There are significantly less than before, but they're still there. Because of the decreased numbers, Doc wants to wait three months and do another pap before deciding on what if anything to do. It is possible I will be able to fight off the remaining abnormal cells myself without further intervention. I hope so.

It is not good news, nor is it bad news. It just is. Thank you to my friend Serene for giving me a heads up on this possibility. Makes it much easier to deal with.

My Toughest Critic

I've always been my own worst critic. I see where I could have done more, better, faster. It is easy to find my own shortcomings, to tell myself I should be accomplishing more. It comes naturally to me and I have to work at giving myself a break. Going easy on myself is not an easy thing to do.

What brings this up? For the past week or so, I've been tired. Exhausted. Get out of bed, let the dogs out, pour myself a bowl of cereal, and then be too tired to eat it exhausted. Too tired to blow dry my hair after washing it exhausted. I've been forcing myself to accomplish even the smallest things like doing laundry or dishes or taking the trash to the dump, telling myself I'm not allowed to just sleep all day or laze around on the couch. I've also been making myself take the dogs out for our daily 3-5 mile walks. It is very unusual for me to not want to go, but I haven't. I've been TIRED. And I've been telling myself I'm not allowed to be tired. I'm not allowed to be unproductive. I'm not allowed to be LAZY (the worst four letter word ever according to my mom).

Saturday I got shaky and dizzy. I told myself I just hadn't had enough protein and exercise. I had some lunch meat and took the dogs out to one of the battlefields. About 2 miles into our walk (that would be 2 miles AWAY from the car), I got shaky and clammy and so weak I had to sit down on a log so that I didn't fall down. It was then that I realized that I'm not being LAZY, I'm SICK (yet another four letter word). And I've been trying to get sick for over a week but my brain refused to listen to my body. 

I'm finally listening. Sunday I did nothing for most of the day in order to conserve enough energy to greet all of the ghosties and goblins with candy. Today I have done nothing productive. That's right, absolutely nothing. I have surfed the web with no real purpose in mind, flipped through a couple of magazines without actually reading them, and taken several naps - oh, and I cooked some dinner & made tea. Tomorrow I will go out to VOTE and then I will proceed to come home and take a nap. Perhaps drink some more hot tea. Hopefully by telling you all that my goal is to concentrate on doing NOTHING and allow myself to fight this bug, I'll actually stop beating myself up and relax.
________________________________________________________________________

I've failed already. I couldn't even sit on my couch with my blankie and tea and be sick long enough for this blog to post. Actually, it's the tea's fault. I ran out. Well, the cupboard had plenty, but my cup was empty. So I got up to make some. And, while up, I remembered that I had chicken in the fridge that really needed to be put in some marinade sauce because if it doesn't get cooked tomorrow the cat's gonna end up getting to eat it. Then I figured it wouldn't hurt any to do the dishes. After all, the dishwasher is going to be doing most of the work. Along the same lines, it wouldn't hurt to put a load of laundry in the washer either. You know, since I was up. Off to the closet I headed to dig clothes out of the hamper. And that's where my whole, "while I was up" thinking came to an abrupt halt. Because... I was suddenly no longer "up". I fell over. In my closet. One of the dogs came to rescue me - evidently doggie kisses help fix any situation. So, NOW I am back on the couch with my blankie and a cup of of Alkaseltzer Nightime Cold & Flu. I don't know if it'll make me feel better, but I do know that it'll knock my *ss out so that I don't end up falling over in the closet again tonight.

Spontaneous Combustion

I was going through paperwork today. Re-organizing, shredding the old, basically trying to keep my office from being overrun by stacks of paper. I ran across a notice from my Doc. An old notice. One I didn't even realize I'd kept. And I started bawling. Because, it is the last notice I ever got telling me that the results of my pap were in and I'm "normal". Maybe I'm just extra emotional because next week is my appointment for my first pap since the surgery & I'm really hoping / yet petrified to hope that the results will be "normal". I'm afraid I'll never be "normal" again.

Went to the Doc today...

So, today was my 6 week check up to see how I'm healing from the cryo procedure. Great news, I'm all healed wonderfully & I can do whatever I want, no restrictions... problem is, I've got this thing called... 

Anyhow, Doc was yet again wonderful at answering my millions of questions and I learned a couple of things y'all might find interesting.

1. Gardasil can be effectively used in adults over the age of 26. The only reason it isn't used is because insurance won't cover it. But, if you want to pay for it yourself ($200-$300 per shot) the shot will work for both men and women. Also, if you have one form of HPV and do not want to get others, Gardasil is just as effective at protecting against the ones you don't already have.  Gardasil is a series of three shots given over a period of six months and protects against the four most common forms of HPV.  So, lets say you manage to meet and fall in love with someone who has by some miracle not caught HPV - If you have the strain(s) that Gardasil vaccinates against, your potential mate could get the vaccine so that you don't pass it on to them.

2. Women do not have to have an abnormal pap to test for HPV. However, that is the only way insurance will pay for the test. If you want to pay for the test yourself, it can be done with a routine pap smear. There is no blood test for HPV.

3. Men CAN be tested for HPV even if they do not have symptoms. They must see a urologist familiar with the procedure & from the way my doc winced at the thought of how the test is performed, I'm guessing it isn't pleasant. Same concept as a pap for women, but taking samples from inside a much smaller opening on a man.

Class dismissed. Thank you for paying attention and enjoy your recess. ;)

An Introduction

Hello all, I'm August. I just turned 37 this month (thus the name) and prior to July of this year, I would have sworn up and down that I've never had an STD/STI in my entire life. So much for that. I have HPV - the cancer causing kind. I found out about it as my doctor was insisting I had to make an appointment pretty much immediately to have the plethora of pre-cancerous cells on my cervix frozen before they progressed further. How in the heck did that happen??? Yes, I know, sex. That wasn't the question. How in the heck did I go from carefree to worrying about cancer? I thought this type of cancer moved slowly. Just over a year ago I had a completely normal pap and now we're talking about cancer, HPV, and freezing my cervix??? Somehow, somewhere, I fell down the rabbit hole and have found myself in a very strange world where nothing is as it should be.


Who am I (besides a woman with HPV)? I am a daughter, a sister, a sponsor of two Compassion International children, Mom to two dogs & a cat (all rescues), a horse lover, country music enthusiast, gardener, explorer of new places, and will always be a farm girl at heart. And I am pleased to meet all of you. May you all have a blessed day.

Update on my clumsiness...

Yeah, I know.  I'm really bad about posting these regularly.  My wrist is much better, still gives me twinges from time to time, but definitely better.  I didn't break it - even the Dr. was surprised at this.  I did manage however, to poke a hole smack dab in the middle of the ligament that connects the two knobby bones on the wrist.  Don't ask me how falling did that - even the Dr. seemed puzzled.  But, if it's an injury that just doesn't happen & is impossible to replicate, I'll figure out how to do it.  Anyhow, Doc said it would take care of healing itself in about 10 weeks.  I was confined to a custom wrist brace until last week when Doc said that if I behaved myself I didn't have to wear it anymore.  Of course I agreed to behave myself and not do anything stupid with my wrist.  Obviously Doc hasn't a clue about me or I'd be confined to the thing for another month!  I've already managed to mess it up a bit more  & voluntarily put the brace back on for a few days (it was really hurting).  I'm just glad to not be wearing it constantly & having people ask what I did. 

It's not my fault I'm physically challenged!

Blame my parents.  More specifically, blame my father.  It's the fault of those physically challenged genes I got from his side of the family!  No one on my mother's side of the family will ever be a professional athlete, but at least they're capable of walking through parking lots, walking up and down stairs, and can even play a pick-up game of softball without ending up in the emergency room.  It's completely normal for my paternal relatives to end up twisting an ankle walking down a perfectly paved road wearing tennis shoes.  We've been known to break or tear various bones & tendons doing stupid stuff like falling off a chair while playing choo-choo train (my uncle swears they took the corner too fast), tripping over the dog, running down a basketball court, diving into a swimming pool, jumping off a flatbed truck, jumping off a runaway forklift, or running over ourselves while driving an ATV (oops, guess you're not supposed to put your foot on the ground while taking the corner).  Guess that's why the most competitive sport at our family reunions was a rousing game of Horseshoes.  Don't get me wrong, we're strong.  We've definitely got the farmer muscles going for us.  Nope, no wimps on this side of the family.  It's just that we're a rather accident prone & uncoordinated bunch and my father is King of them all.  I think he's broken or torn more parts of his body than all of the rest of them combined.  And, of course, these would be the genes that I inherited.

There is a purpose to this rant... really there is.  You see, I'm trying to elicit a bit of sympathy so that you all don't laugh your asses off when I tell you about my latest accident.  Usually I can get by without anyone knowing that I did something horribly uncoordinated like tripping over the dog and falling down the stairs (it's true), but this time I really managed to hurt myself good.  I have managed to fracture my left wrist (a very tiny unsubstantial fracture) AND tear a ligament in said wrist.  It's been two weeks & immobilizing it has not helped, so I've got an MRI scheduled for next week to see if I need surgery.  It's all very dramatic until you hear HOW this injury occurred.  

Ready..... 

Drum roll please ..... 

I fell off of my shoes in the Lowe's parking lot.  I really can't even say that I tripped 'cause there was nothing to trip over.  I was just walking along in my three inch slip-on wedge heels, stepped on a bit of slightly uneven ground, and fell off of the shoes.  I caught myself with my hands.  The last time I pulled the fall in the parking lot maneuver (1998) I broke my left hand - it snapped nice and loud, a very obvious break.  So, this time, (after I made sure no one saw me fall) I was quite relieved that nothing appeared broken and my thoughts went something like this, "Hallelujah!  No one will ever know I was dorky enough to fall in a parking lot AGAIN!"  I'm sure the universe had a good laugh over that one.  So here I am, broken, in pain, embarrassed about how I got that way, and wishing that somehow I could trade some of these genes I inherited from my father in for genes from some star athlete.  While I'm waiting for that to happen, I suppose I'll start over on those "walking through a parking lot" lessons.