My house is soooooooo SAD this week!

I think even the most die-hard Pollyanna would get a case of the blues if she spent more than an hour at my house.  We miss Rocco horribly  - and it shows.  Sylvester wanders the house meowing - looking for our buddy.  He usually settles on sitting on Rocco’s bed and meowing rather pitifully.  Lilly has been refusing to eat.  She too spends a lot of time on Rocco’s bed crying & sniffing his blanket.  She doesn’t look for him though, she understands he’s gone.  She has hidden Rocco’s teddy bear in the front window behind the sofa and chases the other animals away from it.  When she has fallen asleep, I’ve caught Sylvester curled up in the window with buddy boy’s bear.  Both of them have been sleeping curled up pretty much on top of me at night and have been extremely clingy.  Last night I cooked scrambled eggs and mixed it with cottage cheese & a few pieces of kibble for Lilly and sat with her so she’d eat.  It took some convincing, but she managed to finish her dinner.  As for me... I didn’t think there could be this many tears.  Tuesday, while cooking dinner, Lilly and Gabe were playing in the living room & Sarah was hanging out in her room -- I ended up bursting into horrible sobs because Rock wasn’t in the kitchen talking to me.  For over 12 years he has followed me around the house, talking to me the whole time - especially when I was in the kitchen.  The silence with him gone is heartbreaking.  Wednesday I broke down when I looked at the calendar and saw "R-adequan" written on several future dates... reminders to me to give him the miracle series of shots we never got to try.  As for today... I’m hoping I can keep it together.  My eyes are starting to get permanently bloodshot and puffy, my nose is chapped from blowing it so much,  and my sinuses could sure use a break.  So, if you see me and ask how I’m doing - I don’t mean to be rude by brushing you off or ignoring you.  I’m just trying to get through this day without another disastrous sobbing episode.

Goodbye Buddy Boy

Rocco got a lot worse on Sunday.  He ended up paralyzed from just below the ribcage and could not feel anything at all in his hips or legs.  So yesterday Lilly & Rocco & I went to the vet.  I couldn’t leave Lilly at home - she’s never let me leave her if I’m taking Rocco and yesterday was no exception.  Besides, I didn’t want her searching for him.  So, she waited in the car while the vet examined my big beautiful boy and told me what I already knew - there wasn’t anything else we could do for him.  So I held my buddy boy in my lap while the vet gave him the drugs to put him to sleep forever.  And I cried.  Once he was gone, I brought Lilly in to say goodbye.  She sniffed his body and then came to me and asked for a hug.  Poor little girl, she really depended on him for his eyes and ears.  After Lilly and I left the vet we went to Percy Warner Park and went for a hike through the woods.  She mastered walking across a beam over the river, jumping over a log, and enjoyed wading in the shallow parts of the water.  Then it was back home to reality.  A too quiet house without Rocco.  Both Lilly and Sylvester slept curled up with me on my bed last night - something they have never done before.  And today I found Lilly lying on Rocco’s bed sniffing his blanket.  She’s not looking for him.  She knows he’s gone.  She just misses him.  I do too.  I know the tears will fade in time, but for now I cry spontaneously.

 

Progress

Today was rainy and thundering - a grey dismal day. But it was full of progress and hope for the furry ones in my home. Rocco had his vet appointment yesterday and got the first of the series of magic shots. Today he is standing better and able to walk more on his own. He still needs a lot of help, but is better. Jack, the cat, finally had enough and beat Gabriel up -- twice.   :)    We're thrilled that he's finally decided to stand up for himself! And Gabe went for his first big dog walk with his harness on. He did very well and walked half a mile before deciding he was too little and needed to be carried the rest of the way home. The girls have both been very good today and unusually quiet - none of their normal barking at each other just for fun. NOT that I'm complaining! So, despite the weather outside, its been a great day!

Getting Old SUCKS!!!

Rocco turned thirteen in October '07, so this is no surprise... he's old.  But knowing the aging process is happening, knowing the time to say goodbye is getting closer and closer... knowing about it absolutely does not make dealing with it any easier.  

This time last year I was worried he wouldn't make it much longer.  His hind legs were so weak he couldn't go for walks anymore and just the act of standing had them trembling with the effort.  Then we discovered his low thyroid, got some magic thyroid boosting pills, and suddenly life was better.  He got stronger and has spent the last year walking a mile per day.  

Until last week...  

Last week he fell, hard.  And now the degenerative nerve disorder in his hips is creating all sorts of havoc with his ability to stand and walk.  He can't feel where his hind feet are placed, so he falls frequently and ends up dragging his hind legs behind him.  This is not a strength issue, it's an inability to feel where & how the legs are placed and a lack of communication between the brain and the hind legs.  ~~ Kind of like trying to walk with your legs completely asleep. ~~  I have to use a sling under his abdomen to support him so that he can walk without falling.  This upsets me so much more than it upsets him.  He'll drag himself over to his sling, look at it and then bark at me - he likes that he can walk fast again when we use it.  When he first figured out the sling made it easier to walk, he took off running down the street with me chasing behind trying not to drop him & yelling at him to slow down.  He hasn't moved that fast in over two years!  I'm not in good enough shape to be jogging down the street in the best of circumstances, but carrying the back half of a 105 pound dog while doing so sent me into an asthma attack.  We've been walking one block per day - he would like to go further and attempts to drag me along with him, but I just can't carry him any longer than that.  

We're seeing the vet later this week.  She might have one more magic pill up her sleeve - actually it's a series of shots.  Other than his hips, my beautiful boy is in excellent health.  His heart is good, his hearing hasn't diminished a bit, and mentally he's as sharp as ever.  So I'm hoping the shots work.  The same hope I had as a child and had to deal with my little Patches dog getting old.  Because, just as I wasn't ready to say goodbye then, I'm not ready now.  And just like Dr. Aldene managed to pull some magic shots out of his bag of tricks to give me several more years with my little Patches, I'm hoping Dr. Torchia's magic shots will give me more time with Rocco.  Because I'm just not ready to say "goodbye".