Good thing I like salad!

This losing weight thing is HARD!!!  Before deciding to actually do something about my weight and modify my diet, I was already not eating wheat due to it giving me stuffed up sinuses.  So, I decided to go back to how my grandparents ate -- food fresh off the farm: lots of lean meats and green veggies.  I completely cut out rice, corn, beans, potatoes, anything starchy and loaded with carbs.  I also cut out my lunchtime Pepsi Throwback.  It's been three weeks of chicken, fish, broccoli, spinach, almonds, mozzarella cheese, eggs, and a bit of old fashioned oatmeal with a handful of dried cranberries for breakfast.  I've lost FIVE pounds.  I was hoping for more, but I'll take being five pounds lighter.  If I can keep this up, five pounds every three weeks, I'll have lost FORTY pounds by my birthday in August.  WOW!  FORTY POUNDS!!!  Now THAT's exciting!

Me... A Mom???

No, I'm not pregnant... yet.  I just got out of the OBGYN's office.  I had yet another clear pap last month.  This makes TWO WHOLE YEARS of NORMAL pap tests!  HAPPY DANCE TIME!!!  I now save those happy little cards from the doc's office telling me I'm normal.  Doesn't seem like all that long ago (2010) that I never thought I'd be normal again.

Ok, back to the "Mom" and pregnant part of the post...  during last months visit, Doc brought up that my eggs are getting old.  I like that he differentiated between the age of my eggs and my own age.  I'm not old, just my eggs.  :)  Anyhow, if I ever want to be a mom, he said I'd best get started quick.  I will be 40 in August, which means my eggs are 40 now.  And 40 year old eggs need all the help they can get to turn into babies.  So, I've been thinking... and thinking... and thinking... and doing a bit of research.  Twelve years ago I was told by a different OBGYN that the odds of me ever having a child without IVF were slim to none.  After that, I just put the thought of having children out of my mind.  When I told the current doc this, he decided to run a few tests to see.  Last month it was bloodwork - my hormones are slightly outside of normal boundaries.  We need to fix that no matter what I decide about having a child.  Today it was an ultrasound of all of my lady parts.  Conclusion:  "Your ultrasound was completely unremarkable."  Ah, did he just say I'm normal?  Yup, he did.  Other than my off kilter hormones (which we're fixing), there is no reason whatsoever for not being able to get myself pregnant the old fashioned way.  WOW.  After 12 years of thinking I would never have children, that information is mind-blowing!

I talked to my mom about this last night.  My sister and I are both miracle babies.  Mom had a very difficult time both getting and staying pregnant with both of us.  Carrying each of us to full term was very challenging and involved months of bedrest.  She was 19 when she had me and 22 when she had my sister.  I was curious to hear her opinion of me choosing this option at 40.  It wouldn't have surprised me at all if her response had been that it was just too risky and that she didn't want to risk the health of her own baby in order to have a grand-baby.  In fact, that's the response I expected.  She was surprisingly neutral and able to discuss both the pros and cons of having a baby at 40.  And despite the slight excitement I could hear in her voice at becoming a grandparent, she did not push me toward a decision either way and was very firm in her response that she would be supportive no matter what decision I make.  I've got a pretty awesome mom!

Back to the Doc and me getting one of my eggs fertilized... those of you who know me know that there is one slight obstacle for me to get pregnant the old fashioned way... I'm single.  But, we live in an age of sperm banks and fertility clinics which make this a non-issue.  Doc said that he didn't see a need for IVF, that I should be able to conceive no problem with IUI (a bit more refined version of the turkey baster method done at a fertility clinic).  Hmmmmmmm.....  So I asked Doc what I would need to do if I wanted to conceive maybe this Fall.  His reply, "Lose weight."

Now THAT's an OBSTACLE.  Losing weight is HARD!  The scale of difficulty with that task is right up there with climbing Mount Everest.  But, if I have to climb Mount Everest to have a baby... well, I'll just put one foot in front of the other until I get there.

Old Zip Coon

My grandfather died today. He was 86 years old. My cousins & I were talking about our favorite memories of him today. We all agreed that our favorite is when he would bounce us on his knee & sing, "Old Zip Coon" as we laughed hysterically. There were always 5 or more kids waiting their turn to be bounced on Grandpa's knee. He never seemed to get tired of it and the younger cousins (there are 24 of us) have the same memory. We are glad he is no longer in pain. However, we will all miss him terribly. Grandpa was a wonderful man & the glue that holds our family together.


Here are the lyrics to Old Zip Coon:

There was once a man with a double chin
Who performed with skill on a violin
And he played in time and he played in tune
But he never played anything but Old Zip Coon
Old Zip Coon he played all day
Until he drove his friends away
He played all night by the light of the moon
And he wouldn't play anything but Old Zip Coon.

So the neighbours said "will you kindly play
Nellie Bly or 'Where are the Flowers of May"
Any tune will do if it's not that tune
But he wouldn't play anything but Old Zip Coon
Old Zip Coon he played all night
Until the owls and bats took flight
His friends all begged for a different tune
And he wouldn't play anything but Old Zip Coon.

So they took that man with the double chin
All his worldy goods and the violin
And they shiped him off to a foreign shore
Where the natives had never heard the tune before
Old Zip Coon he played all day
Until the natives ran away
He played and played by the light of the moon
Till they wished they had never heard of Old Zip Coon

They have left him there by the deep blue sea
Where he lives alone in a hollow tree
And he plays that tune and it never ends
So it isn't surprising he has no friends
Old Zip Coon he played all day
There's no on left to run away
And still he thinks it's a beautiful tune
And that is the history of Old Zip Coon


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The tune is the same as, "Turkey In The Straw" for anyone who is wondering. The song dates back to the 1830's. My Grandfather passed it on to us, the same as his father and grandfather passed it along to him. Now, my male cousins are singing it to their kids as they bounce them on their knee.

The rule always was, each kid got one verse & then it was the next child's turn. It never occurred to me, until I was much older and watching Grandpa bounce the younger cousins on his knee, that the endless line of grandkids wanting their turn must be exhausting. I don't remember Grandpa even once saying he was tired & couldn't do it anymore. Kid after kid, verse after verse, he had the time and energy for us all. I remember his sky blue eyes sparkling as he laughed along with us at the silly tune. He had incredibly beautiful eyes. Grandma is the one who ensured we didn't wear Grandpa out. Her timing seemed to be such that every kid got a turn, sometimes two, and then she'd need Grandpa for something or supper would be ready. I think she realized that Grandpa just wouldn't tell us "no".  

As a married couple, my grandparents set a wonderful example.  They have always been opposites.  Yet, in a strange way, they complimented each other perfectly.  There has never been a doubt in anyone's mind that knows either of them that they were madly in love with each other throughout their entire marriage.  There is also no one who knows them that would tell you they didn't argue.  Trust me, they argued... sometimes loudly.  Think of it more as a loud and spirited debate.  They always figured out a way to solve their disagreements and there was never a doubt, even in the middle of a heated debate, that they wouldn't work it out.  Some children hear parents or grandparents arguing & worry about the stability of that relationship.  On the few occasions we heard our grandparents disagree, it never crossed our mind that their relationship could possibly falter.  They were head over heels for each other for 64 years.  Nothing shook that rock solid relationship.  My heart goes out to my grandmother.  She is a strong woman.  However, I know that losing the love of her life is devastating.

Grandpa was a farmer. Not your typical farmer. He spent several years in the Army during World War II, did very well in school and placed a high value on education, was active in school and community groups throughout his life, had a wonderful sense of humor, and was blessed with an abundance of friends. Grandpa wasn't a farmer by necessity. He was a farmer because that's what he loved to do. Other than the military, he lived his entire life on the family farm. He and Grandma raised seven kids on that farm. They have 24 grandchildren, 25 great-grandchildren, and 3 great-great-grandchildren.  There is never a good time to say "goodbye" and we will all miss the man we knew simply as "Grandpa".

Trying to be the Alpha Dog

Adam's vlog reminded me of how a dog is supposed to behave.  How my previous German Shepherd / Anatolian Shepherd behaved.  


Rocco was a very beautiful and intelligent handful.  It took all I had to be alpha with him.  We went round and round and round when he was a youngster.  I couldn't give an inch or he'd take five miles.  I had to be really on top of my game for the first five years I had him.  No relaxing.  Ever.  There were days I was sure the dog was smarter than me.  I got help from one of the Sheriff's Department canine trainers when he was a year old.  That's how I learned that I ALWAYS had to be in charge.  I've had dogs my whole life and this was a whole new way of thinking about dogs.  This dog, Rocco, needed a very strong leader.  And my Sheriff buddy turned me into one.  The results were awesome.  Rocco turned into an incredibly well behaved and trained dog.  I could take him anywhere and never worry about his reactions to various situations.  He was good with any size dog and young children too.  It is not easy for a 100 or so pound dog to be gentle and not knock a toddler over, but he was a pro at it.  He also did well with seniors, walkers, wheelchairs, shaky hands & all.  I regularly took him to public celebrations like Fourth of July where he mingled with the crowds, allowed anyone to pet him, and was an absolute pleasure to be with.  I got a lot of compliments on him.  As he got older, I was finally able to relax a little bit and enjoy the wonderful dog he was.


I got Lilly Ann at 15 months old when Rocco was 12 1/2 years old.  She had been severely abused and was terrified of everything.  She was too scared to challenge anything.  I didn't see the need for me to be the super strong alpha leader.  Instead I was patient, sweet, loving, and worked really hard to earn her trust & bring her out of her shell.  It worked.  She became very confident, no longer terrified, and was naturally a good girl.  So good, I didn't realize she was challenging me and very effectively running my household without me noticing by the time she turned 4.  I was told by a trainer friend that this is a very common problem with Australian Shepherds & that I should congratulate myself on having a normal dog with normal problems.  Oh, and I should get my butt in gear and start being the one in charge again.


Maks came along at two months old - a baby that had been dumped in my neighborhood.  It was exactly one month after Rocco died.  Maks was naturally a good dog too with a strong desire to please me.  Still is.  


So, I have two dogs that don't outright defy me.  They like to please me.  I relaxed way too much and let them take over running the house.  They're good at it.  Especially Lilly Ann.  But, Adam's very well trained dog reminded me that I am supposed to be the one in charge and we have been working on that this week.  


It's exhausting being the one in charge.  I find myself having to think about every interaction with them ahead of time and decide exactly what behaviors I want from them & not proceed until I get those behaviors.  


Maks has responded well & is much calmer in general now.  My sister came over last night and was surprised at his ability to sit calmly without being told to.  The changes made this week have been very good for him.  


Lilly Ann, on the other hand, has fought me every step of the way - looking the other way when told to do something or flat out turning her back to me and walking off.  She does not like having someone else run HER house.  But, since she has figured out that I mean business, she is reluctantly complying.  Her willingness to do as she is told on my schedule instead of her own has improved.


Today we went for a structured walk with me in charge and them being made to walk beside & slightly behind me.  This is how I walked Rocco for the first five years of his life - I had to. It is the first time I've made Maks and Lilly Ann go on this type of walk.  Usually they're on retractable leashes. 


Doing this with both dogs was exhausting.  Fortunately, Maks figured out what was expected pretty quick, so my left arm was saved from much pulling.  Lilly Ann took time to figure it out.  Then she took time to decide she'd comply.  My right arm paid the price.  Boy is it sore!  However, something clicked in her brain today and she has been happily looking to me for direction & then complying all evening.  YAY!!!


I don't expect Maks or Lilly to turn into Rocco.  I know they are different dogs with different capabilities.  However, they have not reached their full potential and it's my job to get them there.


No more Miss Pushover at my house.  From now on, I am the one in charge!

The new job is NOT working.

I've been at the new job for 2 1/2 months now.  I'm an accounts receivable/payable assistant.  It's a temp position that is/was supposed to become permanent.  I love the people I work with.  They're funny, caring, patient, hardworking... just generally great people.  I couldn't ask for more from a co-worker.


The supervisor is another story.


She is the worst manager I've ever met.  Her management style is to not manage at all, micromanage, or manipulate.  She is extremely disorganized and does not trust the people working in her department.  They don't trust her either.  My very first day, she pulled me aside and badmouthed them to me.  Fortunately, she is rarely actually in my building.  She spends most of her time at her other office at the sister company.  When she is gone, things are good.  This makes the few hours a week she is present somewhat bearable.


Things got worse when I had to go to the hospital for emergency gallbladder surgery. When I called her and told her I was on my way to the ER due to extreme pain and an inability to stop vomiting, her response was, "So this means you're not coming to work today?"
And she was put out about it!!!


I returned to work part time only three days after being released from the hospital.  On my fourth day out of the hospital, this woman called me into her office and proceeded to tell me that she had observed I was slow & methodical (during the two hours she'd spent at the office that week) and that she didn't think I could keep up with the fast pace of her department.  Then she tried to get me to agree with her!  She was not happy that I refused to agree with her & pointed out to her that I had JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL.  I was flabbergasted at her insensitivity and complete lack of compassion.  It had taken a whole lot of convincing from both my sis and myself to get the Doc to allow me to return to work that soon.  Even his nurse was surprised that he'd allowed me back to work prior to 10 days after surgery.  For her to expect me to be back to normal productivity so soon and then to base her opinion of my work abilities on that particular day was astounding.


Since then she has continued to look for any little thing to criticize me on.  Fortunately, I don't make many mistakes so her opportunities have been few and far between.  She has tried to blame me several times for things I haven't done and I have had to prove that it occurred prior to me being hired.  She never apologizes for this.  She even criticized me for my desk being neat, clean, and organized.  Her comment was that since I had time to make sure things were organized, I must not have enough to do.  She didn't like my response that people work differently and some of us naturally put things away while we work so that we can find them easily later, while others seem to be happier in a less structured environment.  Both of her offices are complete disasters and she loses things all the time, so this didn't go over well.


Last week I got an e-mail from Human Resources.  This job that was supposed to be temp to perm, was posted on their website and if I was interested in continuing with it I could fill out an application.  No phone call from anyone.  And no contact at all from my supervisor about this.  


I did fill out the application.  A job with benefits isn't easy to find these days.  I got another e-mail today from HR asking if I was available Tuesday afternoon to interview.  Since my supervisor was missing yet again, I sent her an e-mail asking if it was ok for me to be out of the department during that time.  She NEVER responded.  Instead I got another e-mail from HR saying that the previous time wasn't good for the supervisor & rescheduling the interview.


What's even better than this is what happened when I arrived at work this morning.  Before I had even gotten my coat off, I was accused of leaving money out in the open overnight.  There are 7 people in the department I work in.  The supervisor did not ASK anyone if they knew what had happened or why.  She just jumped to the conclusion that it was me and sent a scathing e-mail around blaming me and stating that it was unacceptable and against known procedure.  


Even better, when she found out IT WASN'T ME, she said nothing.  No apology.  No talk with the girl who said she'd done it.  No correction to everyone she'd sent the e-mail to in which she blamed me.  Nothing.


I can handle a lot of things - especially when I like my co-workers.  But being accused of mishandling money is NOT one of those things!


After work today, I went to the temp agency and requested that they find me another assignment ASAP.  They happen to have two assignments that I'm qualified for & they're setting me up for interviews next week.  I realize that I may not like my new co-workers as well as I like these, but I just can't handle having that woman as a supervisor any longer.