Update

Haven't had much time to be online what with Christmas almost here and running around like a maniac trying to catch up on all of the things I got behind on during my inconveniently timed convalescence. Anyhow, my 10 day check up with the surgeon was today. My incisions are healing nicely and he took 19 of my 20 staples out - one of the incisions isn't healing as well as the others, so he wanted to leave one staple in to make sure it doesn't split open. I'm allowed to return to work full-time tomorrow. Lordy that's gonna kick my butt!

Potluck at work was today, so my baking for that was completed yesterday. I have one more trip to the store this evening & then all Christmas shopping will be done. And Wednesday night I will be slaving away in the kitchen baking gluten-free oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies for my sister to take with her to Mom's for Christmas (I'm not going due to work/health reasons). And then it will be one more day of work to get through on Thursday before I can come home and spend the next three days in my PJ's. 

Wishing you all a wonderfully happy and relaxing holiday!

Slowly going insane...

Ah, so I've made it through two half days of work... barely. Didn't realize how much one uses their stomach and back muscles just sitting at a desk doing paperwork. By the end of my four hours, I can't wait to get home and reunite with my pain pills. Pain pills are my best friends right now. :)

But that's not what's driving me nuts. It's the bandages. I've got four small incisions with stitches that have been bandaged and sealed with waterproof tape... AND THEY'RE ITCHING!!! It's driving me crazy. Being unable to scratch an itch is torture!

Here we go again...

So much for me being all better. Just got home from a 36 hour stay at the hospital that began with a 6am trip to the ER on Friday morning and the ER doc telling me I needed to have my gallbladder removed... as in NOW. The specialist surgeon who does this procedure all the time informed me that, of the over 7,000 gallbladders he has seen, mine was the worst ever and he has no clue how I've been living with it. Evidently it should have been removed a couple of years ago. So, here I am at home again with four small holes in my abdomen and minus one gallbladder. I'm in normal pain from the surgery, but feel so much better than I did when my gallbladder was still in tact. I'm really happy this one got figured out and am hoping it's my last disaster for at least the remainder of this year!

**Oh, and yet again I was incredibly impressed with my local ER and hospital. So lucky to have such good medical care within a 10 minute drive of my house. :)

OOPS!!!

Oh Boy, did I ever screw up at work today!!! I'm working in an accounting department. They have me doing both accounts payable and accounts receivable right now due to one person being gone. So, I'm dealing with a ton of different accounts, computer programs/screens, filing systems, etc. and I've only been working at this place for three weeks. Up until today all has gone well & I haven't messed anything up. Unfortunately, today happened. I made a really big boo-boo.

I deposited $175,000 into the WRONG bank account.

I knew what I'd done the second I hit the confirm button & a very loud "SHIT!" escaped from my mouth. Unfortunately, there was no way to instantly undo it. It's fixable, but it's going to take three people working on transferring the money back to where it's supposed to be & a couple of days to actually get it done. Lucky for me, my new co-workers think it's kind of funny and have assured me it's nothing they all haven't managed to do before... just never with that much money. I'm hoping when the boss comes in tomorrow that she has the same attitude. I like this job & there is a good chance of it becoming a permanent situation (right now it's a temporary assignment). Although, I'm pretty sure they're gonna be wanting me to deposit the money to the correct accounts before they hire me permanently.

A laugh for the dog people.

I'm one of those parents that spoils their pooches just a tad. Tonight's spoiling involved letting them lick whipped cream (the kind from an aerosol can) off of my hand. The cat came over to investigate. My boy got so enthusiastically excited that he managed to fling a glob of whipped cream onto the cat's back (which the cat did not notice). My boy then proceeded to chase the cat around the kitchen trying to corner him & lick the whipped cream off. There was no intention of chasing the cat. I don't even think the boy registered that the whipped cream was attached to the cat. He was just trying his best to get that darned glob of whipped cream.

Needless to say, the cat was NOT happy about this nor did he cooperate and allow the dog to lick him clean.

So, in the midst of my laughter and tears, I too began to chase the cat while telling the dog NOT to chase the cat -- yes, the dog was slightly confused. I finally caught one extremely unhappy feline and managed to scrub him down with a damp rag so that the dog would leave him in peace. Lordy it was funny!!!

So, my ER is pretty awesome. How's yours?

Took myself to the ER on Friday. Only the third time in my life I've voluntarily headed to the Emergency Room. Most definitely shouldn't have been driving, but I did it anyhow. By the time I got there I couldn't even fill out my own admission forms. Just handed them my insurance card & license, showed them my allergies I've got typed into my cell phone (that came in handy!), and pointed to the pain locations as I was dry heaving (after puking for over 12 hours there just wasn't anything left). I was in shock and so cold they couldn't get a temperature. Took less than 10 minutes to admit me and get me a shot of something for the pain. Unfortunately it didn't work. So another half hour later they gave me something else that, THANK GOD, did work. An hour after that I actually had a normal temperature. After eight hours in the ER, blood work, x-rays, MRI, anti-nausea shots, lots of pain relieving shots, nexium shots (didn't know that came in shot form), and scaring my sis half to death with a text that said: "I'm ok. Could you pick me up from the ER on your way home from work?" ... the verdict is that I have bleeding stomach ulcers. Huh, who'd have thunk those things would hurt that much?!?!? Most pain I've ever been in!!! 

Anyhow, I'm fine now. Got my pain pills, anti-nausea pills, and protonix for the stomach. Managed to eat some toast and lime jello today. Still have my wristband on in case I have to go back, they can just scan my bar code. I find it rather humorous that I have my own bar code. ;) Appointment with the Doc Monday to see what else they're going to do with me. So, for those of you who told me I couldn't just be that tired from simply being sick (in my toughest critic blog), you were right and I was wrong. Sucks to be wrong.

But, if you're ever in my neck of the woods and need to head to the Emergency Room, I can tell you from personal experience that they're downright awesome. Best care I've ever gotten. Seriously great nurses and doctors. And they come with a sense of humor too. Couldn't ask for more! :)

Lab results are in.

Well, they're not what I'd hoped for. I still have abnormal cells on my cervix. There are significantly less than before, but they're still there. Because of the decreased numbers, Doc wants to wait three months and do another pap before deciding on what if anything to do. It is possible I will be able to fight off the remaining abnormal cells myself without further intervention. I hope so.

It is not good news, nor is it bad news. It just is. Thank you to my friend Serene for giving me a heads up on this possibility. Makes it much easier to deal with.

My Toughest Critic

I've always been my own worst critic. I see where I could have done more, better, faster. It is easy to find my own shortcomings, to tell myself I should be accomplishing more. It comes naturally to me and I have to work at giving myself a break. Going easy on myself is not an easy thing to do.

What brings this up? For the past week or so, I've been tired. Exhausted. Get out of bed, let the dogs out, pour myself a bowl of cereal, and then be too tired to eat it exhausted. Too tired to blow dry my hair after washing it exhausted. I've been forcing myself to accomplish even the smallest things like doing laundry or dishes or taking the trash to the dump, telling myself I'm not allowed to just sleep all day or laze around on the couch. I've also been making myself take the dogs out for our daily 3-5 mile walks. It is very unusual for me to not want to go, but I haven't. I've been TIRED. And I've been telling myself I'm not allowed to be tired. I'm not allowed to be unproductive. I'm not allowed to be LAZY (the worst four letter word ever according to my mom).

Saturday I got shaky and dizzy. I told myself I just hadn't had enough protein and exercise. I had some lunch meat and took the dogs out to one of the battlefields. About 2 miles into our walk (that would be 2 miles AWAY from the car), I got shaky and clammy and so weak I had to sit down on a log so that I didn't fall down. It was then that I realized that I'm not being LAZY, I'm SICK (yet another four letter word). And I've been trying to get sick for over a week but my brain refused to listen to my body. 

I'm finally listening. Sunday I did nothing for most of the day in order to conserve enough energy to greet all of the ghosties and goblins with candy. Today I have done nothing productive. That's right, absolutely nothing. I have surfed the web with no real purpose in mind, flipped through a couple of magazines without actually reading them, and taken several naps - oh, and I cooked some dinner & made tea. Tomorrow I will go out to VOTE and then I will proceed to come home and take a nap. Perhaps drink some more hot tea. Hopefully by telling you all that my goal is to concentrate on doing NOTHING and allow myself to fight this bug, I'll actually stop beating myself up and relax.
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I've failed already. I couldn't even sit on my couch with my blankie and tea and be sick long enough for this blog to post. Actually, it's the tea's fault. I ran out. Well, the cupboard had plenty, but my cup was empty. So I got up to make some. And, while up, I remembered that I had chicken in the fridge that really needed to be put in some marinade sauce because if it doesn't get cooked tomorrow the cat's gonna end up getting to eat it. Then I figured it wouldn't hurt any to do the dishes. After all, the dishwasher is going to be doing most of the work. Along the same lines, it wouldn't hurt to put a load of laundry in the washer either. You know, since I was up. Off to the closet I headed to dig clothes out of the hamper. And that's where my whole, "while I was up" thinking came to an abrupt halt. Because... I was suddenly no longer "up". I fell over. In my closet. One of the dogs came to rescue me - evidently doggie kisses help fix any situation. So, NOW I am back on the couch with my blankie and a cup of of Alkaseltzer Nightime Cold & Flu. I don't know if it'll make me feel better, but I do know that it'll knock my *ss out so that I don't end up falling over in the closet again tonight.

COLD Feet

No, not a metaphor. My feet are cold, it's 5:30am, and they woke me up. No, the house isn't cold, I'm not cold, just my feet. They're like blocks of ice. Guess it's time to start wearing socks to bed again. This happens every fall and every year it catches me by surprise. Yet another sure sign winter is on its way.

Spontaneous Combustion

I was going through paperwork today. Re-organizing, shredding the old, basically trying to keep my office from being overrun by stacks of paper. I ran across a notice from my Doc. An old notice. One I didn't even realize I'd kept. And I started bawling. Because, it is the last notice I ever got telling me that the results of my pap were in and I'm "normal". Maybe I'm just extra emotional because next week is my appointment for my first pap since the surgery & I'm really hoping / yet petrified to hope that the results will be "normal". I'm afraid I'll never be "normal" again.

I'm in LOVE!

Nah, not THAT kind of love. The other kind of love that all girls succumb to at one point or another... HORSES. I found the absolutely most gorgeous breed that's as sweet as they come. They are called Gypsy Vanner horses and they take my breath away! I want I want I want... but can I have? Not unless that Publishers Clearing House letter that arrived today turns out to be for real. They cost the same amount as a mid-range car. Definitely out of my price range. Oh, but boy are they pretty!!!


To learn more about them, go to:
http://www.gypsygold.com

Papuza's Rorscharc

The Gypsy King

Bommarito

Equirace Gypsy

Ahhhhh... Much Better!

I warned my stylist. I found him over a year ago on, of all places, a dating site.  He has some of the most gorgeous thick naturally wavy hair ever and in his profile he stated he's been a master stylist for over 25 years. My hair is thick and naturally wavy too. So, I sent him an e-mail. He admits it's the strangest one he's ever gotten... "I'm not interested in dating you, but do you think you could do my hair?" Yup, that's the e-mail I sent him. We met. I told him about my stylist on the west coast that had been doing my hair for over 10 years, how horribly picky I am, and that I absolutely won't spend more than ten minutes on my hair. And then I warned him... when my hair starts driving me nuts, I cut it myself. No waiting for an appointment. I can't wait. Out come the scissors and I start trimming some here, some there... until I'm happy. 

The first time I did this was in 8th grade. I'd gotten an absolutely HORRID cut - so bad I made the woman stop in the middle of it & walked out of the salon without paying - seriously out of character for my 13yr old self. I went home, got out the scissors, and didn't stop until I could live with the results. I ended up getting a lot of compliments on my handiwork. I wasn't thrilled with it because it was too short for my tastes, but it did look pretty good. Anyhow, thus began my fearlessness when it came to cutting my own hair. After all, I could never screw it up as bad as that woman did!

Back to the present... In April my guy convinced me to let my long layers grow out & try having my hair all one length. He styles it beautifully when it's like this & my hair ends up looking like it just stepped off the cover of a magazine. Problem is... it takes a whole lot longer than ten minutes to achieve this look. My mane has to be blow dried with a straightening brush and then I have to take a flat iron to it and if I don't use the right amount & kinds of product it absolutely won't stay (did I mention I hate product). I didn't realize it until tonight, but I've been unhappy with it for a while. 

What made me realize I was unhappy with my hair? The dogs. I know, strange. My girl has very long fine hair with a thick woolly undercoat. I have her shaved every spring and in the middle of the summer because she just gets way too hot otherwise. Her hair is growing back out and is about three inches long now. She's not happy about this because it's still too hot for long hair. Today she went to where the clippers are and made it very clear she wanted a haircut. So, I shaved her belly & made her very happy. While I was doing this, my boy came over and asked for his belly to be shaved too. Both dogs are now cool and content. As I was giving them their haircuts, mine kept getting in the way. And the light bulb went on.

I see my stylist again next month. My hair, as of tonight, is no longer all the same length. I cut the layers back into it. I warned him. ;)

My plans for Friday...

Fill out more job applications until my brain just can't take it anymore;
Call my best friend and b*tch about said job applications;
Take the trash to the dump;
Load the dogs into the car and head out to spend the afternoon hiking and thoroughly enjoying the fall weather here in Tennessee;
Stop off at Sonic on our way home for our customary corn dog (the dogs and I share one) and my Mocha Java Chiller (love those things!).

Basically a repeat of today minus the trip to the dump. Honestly, if it weren't for the "needing an income" thing, it's a pretty great way to spend the day.

The furry kids are in TROUBLE!!!

Y'all should see my house. I think the general reaction would be massive amounts of laughter and extreme relief that it's my house instead of yours. Since you'll never guess what my two canine devils did, I'll share.

I left the back door open (as I always do) while I was getting ready this morning so they can run out & play (they're inside brats). I could hear them playing tag while I was in the shower and they sounded more rambunctious than normal. When I got out of the shower I found out why. 

Like most dogs, these two like to dig and play in dirt. Since it hasn't rained recently and the ground is really hard, that wasn't a worry of mine. I just didn't account for how smart and creative my hellions are. 

They found a bag of potting soil.

That would have been bad enough by itself, but they weren't content with digging in the potting soil OUTSIDE. Nope, my little geniuses brought it IN THE HOUSE!

So now I have two absolutely filthy dogs and a living room full of potting soil. Happy Monday morning to me. :(

Oh, and I've probably ruined any and all chances at potential dates because no one in their right mind wants to deal with my "special" kids. 

Ahhhhhhh... Tonight was PERFECT!

Warm, slight breeze, not muggy or buggy... a perfect night for a drive and long walk with the furry kids. We met others out enjoying the night and the fur babies had a blast chasing ducks into the pond and deer across the meadow. (For anyone concerned about the wildlife's well-being, the kids were on retractable leashes the whole time - I never let them off leash for every one's safety.) Anyhow, it was a wonderfully wonderful evening. I wish this time of year could last forever!

Went to the Doc today...

So, today was my 6 week check up to see how I'm healing from the cryo procedure. Great news, I'm all healed wonderfully & I can do whatever I want, no restrictions... problem is, I've got this thing called... 

Anyhow, Doc was yet again wonderful at answering my millions of questions and I learned a couple of things y'all might find interesting.

1. Gardasil can be effectively used in adults over the age of 26. The only reason it isn't used is because insurance won't cover it. But, if you want to pay for it yourself ($200-$300 per shot) the shot will work for both men and women. Also, if you have one form of HPV and do not want to get others, Gardasil is just as effective at protecting against the ones you don't already have.  Gardasil is a series of three shots given over a period of six months and protects against the four most common forms of HPV.  So, lets say you manage to meet and fall in love with someone who has by some miracle not caught HPV - If you have the strain(s) that Gardasil vaccinates against, your potential mate could get the vaccine so that you don't pass it on to them.

2. Women do not have to have an abnormal pap to test for HPV. However, that is the only way insurance will pay for the test. If you want to pay for the test yourself, it can be done with a routine pap smear. There is no blood test for HPV.

3. Men CAN be tested for HPV even if they do not have symptoms. They must see a urologist familiar with the procedure & from the way my doc winced at the thought of how the test is performed, I'm guessing it isn't pleasant. Same concept as a pap for women, but taking samples from inside a much smaller opening on a man.

Class dismissed. Thank you for paying attention and enjoy your recess. ;)

Trust

My favorite poem - found at a craft store on a stamp. I have no clue who wrote it.


She Who Believes in Herself

Trusting her instincts was
the hardest thing she ever did.
But she listened
to the whisperings of her heart.
She pushed forth with faith in her skills...
And faith in her knowledge
that she could succeed.
And she did!
In the end, trusting her heart
Was the smartest thing she ever did!

My Motto

One does not discover New Lands without consenting to lose sight of the Shore for a Very Long time. ~Andre Gide

I stumbled across this quote shortly after a car wreck permanently changed my life in December of 2001. It has been slow, but I have made a much better recovery than expected and most people never notice that I have some lingering injuries. I spent the first couple of years post-accident trying desperately & in vain to get my old familiar life back. When I found the quote, I was thinking of it as a motivation to work even harder to recover the old me so that I could head off traveling and exploring the world. Eventually I came to think of it as learning to let go of our old lives and embrace the new opportunities we have been given - no matter how badly we DON'T want those opportunities. Believe me, I REALLY didn't want those opportunities! I just wanted to be me again. My guess is that you all can relate to that desire. Anyhow, I didn't get the old me back (I still miss her sometimes). What I did get was different experiences, more friends, a different perspective on life, better friendships because I learned how quickly life can be gone, a new hometown, and less afraid to be myself. I have learned how to let go of the old and embrace the new. My life is different now and in many ways it is better. 

I am at yet another undesirable forced life change. This unwanted "gift" I have been given has made the old impossible to ever have again and is presenting new "opportunities" almost daily. I learned from that car wreck that fighting the inevitable is useless, so I will do my best to embrace this and make the most of the opportunities I've been given. Opportunities to meet others dealing with similar issues, to share my story with people who might otherwise feel alone, and to hopefully prevent my friends kids from ever dealing with the same thing. 

May we all have the courage to let go of the old and discover the "New Lands" ahead of us.

An Introduction

Hello all, I'm August. I just turned 37 this month (thus the name) and prior to July of this year, I would have sworn up and down that I've never had an STD/STI in my entire life. So much for that. I have HPV - the cancer causing kind. I found out about it as my doctor was insisting I had to make an appointment pretty much immediately to have the plethora of pre-cancerous cells on my cervix frozen before they progressed further. How in the heck did that happen??? Yes, I know, sex. That wasn't the question. How in the heck did I go from carefree to worrying about cancer? I thought this type of cancer moved slowly. Just over a year ago I had a completely normal pap and now we're talking about cancer, HPV, and freezing my cervix??? Somehow, somewhere, I fell down the rabbit hole and have found myself in a very strange world where nothing is as it should be.


Who am I (besides a woman with HPV)? I am a daughter, a sister, a sponsor of two Compassion International children, Mom to two dogs & a cat (all rescues), a horse lover, country music enthusiast, gardener, explorer of new places, and will always be a farm girl at heart. And I am pleased to meet all of you. May you all have a blessed day.